I am a US Navy veteran and I swore, many years ago, to protect this Nation and its Constitution. Don’t worry this isn’t a political post but the story about one of the best decisions I made for myself.

I attempted the college life and that only lasted about a semester. I now understand I have some dyslexia and ADD tendencies and I never really enjoyed school. I felt something was calling me away from college and I don’t remember driving to the recruiters office, but I do recall walking through the front door.

It didn’t take much time for me to know this was the path I was meant to be on, once you know you’ve made the right decision, you feel it. So I held up my right hand and swore the oath and never looked back. Within a few months I was packed up and leaving home. I just knew my mom would cry the most when I was walking toward the bus but actually she was level headed about it, still trying to give me all the advice she could before I was out of earshot. But my dad and little sister were truly upset, my dad kept saying “I never thought you’d leave home”, and my sister was pissed that I was leaving her!! I mean she was mad!! “Who’s gonna look after me?” she’d say. “Who’s gonna keep dad off my back?”. It would be several years later before she stop reminding me that I left her.

Bootcamp was everything you’d expect and then some. I was in Orlando during the hottest summer months. If you want to lose weight then I recommend marching all day in the hot, humid air. I dropped so many pounds because all I could stomach in that heat was peanut butter sandwiches and apples. During graduation weekend all my dad wanted to do was buy me some junk food. ” Can I get you some hamburgers or a pizza?”

After graduation I was relocated to NAS Millington, Memphis TN. to attend the school for the job of Air Traffic Controller. Now I left college because of my lack of interest in school but here I was and I struggled, especially with the book side of the training, but I excelled in the labs and hands on training. I was a natural at being bossy and that’s mostly what ATC is…bossing pilots around. Negative Ghost rider, the pattern is full.

My first duty station was the beautiful Island of NAS Bermuda. Yes, you read that right, I was 19 years old and living in a tropical paradise. I enjoyed my time there and made lasting friendships. I had the best trainers and superiors who allowed me to learn as much as I could and this was where I truly blossomed.

My second duty station was NAS Cecil Field, Jacksonville Fl. It was nicer being closer to home however I joined up to see the world, but it was my mom who demanded that I take these orders because she missed me so much. Now she shows the emotion I expected when I was leaving for boot camp.

The 5 years went by quickly and I was ready to start a new life on my own. I had learned and experienced everything I needed to be successful in my life as a civilian. I had gained the knowledge and certifications I needed to be an ATCS and that’s the job I currently do today, but what I learned about myself was the most valuable lesson.

Self reliance.

There was a real confidence boost once I knew I could depend and trust in myself to make the best decisions regarding my life. I was happy on my own and I never felt trapped in any relationships because I knew I didn’t have to stay. I would never have accomplished any of my successes if I had never learned to overcome the obstacles in my way, whether they were external or internal. I wanted the best for myself and to this day I’ve never settled for less.

I often wonder what life that shy, reserved girl of yesterday would be living today if she never took that bold decision and learned of her independent strength because I just don’t know.

What’s wrong with her?

That was the single most asked question whenever any of my family and friends were trying to set me up with every single guy they knew. I get it… I was 28, almost 29 yrs old and I had never been married nor had I any children. I was a single gal who was self sufficient and lived life on her own terms. My problem, according to my concerned public, was I didn’t socialize enough and put myself out there where I could possibly meet someone and basically, I was too picky.

So this is how Chad and I started our lives together……A blind date.

We had talked several times that week prior to our already scheduled date night. We stayed on the phone for hours sharing our stories, our dreams, our disappointments and any other topic we could discuss that would keep us from hanging up. I felt the sparks, I even smacked my phone a few times just in case it was the battery going berserk, but I did feel the sparks. I needed to meet this guy.

It’s Saturday night and here he comes. I can hear his car rolling down my gravel driveway and I’ll admit I was nervous. I hid behind the curtains in the window to take a sneak peek. I was immediately relieved…..He’s tall! I’m a tall gal myself, almost 5’10” and with heels I occupy a higher altitude than most ladies. But don’t worry, all his other physical attributes were perfect too .

Once he started approaching my house, I stepped outside to greet him and he smiled with his cornflower blue eyes and instantly something strange happened. The birds started chirping, the sunlight sparkled through the trees like glitter floating on the air and I swear I heard sappy chick flick music playing softly from somewhere. It’s as if my heart, soul, mind and body let out a lifelong held breathe and whispered to him ” there you are”.

Pretty sappy huh? Yes, I’m a romantic at heart but little did I know in the near future I would have the scariest moment of my life since moving to ATL.

Chad had made reservations for dinner at a restaurant that was across town and we were in the car heading that way. I was nervously sitting in the passenger seat and Chad reached over to hold my hand. It was so sweet and I could sense he was nervous too. Suddenly a car goes speeding past us so fast I could actually feel the car rock a bit like a sailboat on the ocean. Another car passes us but in the other lane, then another, and yet I can feel our car slowing down. I cautiously glance over at the driver’s side and look at the speedometer and I see that Chad is only driving at 35 mph. We’re on I285 in Atlanta traffic and he’s only doing 35 mph!

We’re gonna die tonight!

This evening started so magically and just a bit earlier I saw my future in his eyes now my life is flashing before my eyes and I’m preparing to meet my maker. Ever so calmly I say, ”Chad, you may want to speed up a bit cause these other cars out here are gonna run us over”. So he sped up and we were laughing about it while he reached out to hold my hand again. The restaurant was still several miles away and I had to continually prompt Chad to speed up. I’ll confess, I wasn’t sure I’d survive the trip.

Luckily we made it to the restaurant without incident and it was a wonderful evening. Chad did safely return me back home and once he finally left, I called my friend Tami and woke her up to say….” I just went on my last first date…I met my husband tonight”.

This love for Chad was instant and it’s lasted for what will be 20yrs this October. We may have only first met that night but I felt like I’ve known him forever. I’m truly blessed because Chad is the most genuine, big hearted man I know. He possesses a quiet confidence that keeps me grounded. I can only guess what the next 20 years will be like because I just don’t know.

As I sit here at my little table outside, under my pergola, watching Boone chase the squirrels. I wonder how I’m going to start this…my blog…my story…the introduction of myself to you. How can I best describe this person than I am today? What is my WHY in starting this blog? Do I start at the beginning, the middle, or from yesterday?

But there is one story that needs to be told first. I honestly didn’t want to go there initially because I wanted you to get to know me with stories filled with laughter and positive life changing experiences. Silly stories about my pets and crazy days hanging out with my family and friends. I will have many stories that reflect a lighter side of life but this one day in my past that changed me completely needs to be told first. So I’ll sit out here on a warm summer day while I have an old box fan rattling to keep me cool and the air still lingers with the smell of the great skunk caper from a couple of days ago and I’ll tell you about it.

Be forewarned….it is not a happy story.

My best friend died!

Almost 4 years ago I woke up early one morning excited because I had new furniture being delivered. We had only been in our new home a couple of weeks and after some remodeling and an exhausting move in day it was all finally coming together and feeling like home. As most of us do, I went to log into Facebook and check in and also post about my excitement for the day ahead.

The first post I read is my friend’s daughter Hayli’s and how she lost her best friend late that night. I’ll be honest, it literally took me reading it several times over and over for me to realize she was talking about MY best friend, her mother. I also noticed in that same moment all the missed calls and messenger notifications where several people had been trying to get in touch with me overnight. Since I was in a new place my home number had been changed so no one knew how to call me and I have bad cell phone coverage out in the countryside where we now live so this is how I found out my best friend since 7th grade was gone.

I knew I had been screaming No!No!No! but I couldn’t hear it. I knew I was still breathing but I couldn’t feel the air in my lungs. I knew I started walking and running around trying to find a phone to call someone, anyone but I had no sense of direction. I couldn’t and wouldn’t want to believe it was true. Tami was just here last weekend visiting and seeing my new house. I was in a nightmare and I couldn’t wake up.

Tami was the driving force of my daily life. She always believed in us and our future. I still think about all the plans we had made while we were growing old together. Tami was very bossy with me but that’s how she pushed me to get out of my comfort zone. She was my confidence and she always had my back whether we agreed or not.

I would never be the same person again. I died on that day too and the pain of it was excruciating.

Since that day I’ve been on a journey of rediscovery and reinventing myself. The first couple of years were basically a void. I did nothing but the basics of survival. I worked and I just stayed home. My husband and I got into a homebody routine and we just settled in with each other. Now don’t get me wrong, living in such a hustle and bustle city like Atlanta Ga. the peace and quiet was nice but I was still withdrawing from everyone else in my life.

Tami will always be a part of who I was and will be. This is why I needed to tell this story first. It was the most pivotal point of my life to this day and looking back I now realize that Tami had already been putting me on some new and exciting paths and had also reconnected me with old friends who are now an integral part of who I am today.

The loss of my friend is one of the main, if not the main reason, that I’ve started this blog. I believe writing it all down will help me with my grief and future growth as the new person I want to be. I want to live again and I’ve taken many steps toward that goal.

Hopefully you’ll read and go along with me as I try to figure this thing called life and what it holds for me because I just don’t know.