Someone else’s kids

Everyone agrees…raising kids is tough. It may start off all happy and sweet. Planning for when you’re ready to conceive, making the happy announcements, and of course these days it’s all about the gender reveal. But for me it was a whole different journey.

The gift of my 2 boys were given to me by marriage. On my wedding day, almost 20 years ago, I said I do to 3 guys. There were people who knew Chad and his boys and they were genuinely nervous for me. They would ask ” Has she met Chase?”. Chad would laugh and say “She says she’s not scared of a 3 and 5 year old”.

Chad and I did try for a child of our own those early days because we wanted all our kids to be close in age and grow up together. Life had other plans for me. The first night we were all in our home together as a family I did not sleep one wink. Right down the hall were 2 little boys and my mind whirled with so many questions. Where are the nearest fire exit’s? Did we lock the doors? Are they cold or too hot? Are they sleeping ok? What am I gonna do for breakfast? What are they gonna wear tomorrow? Yep, I was a nervous wreck. I instantly had 2 little people who were going to depend on me and I’d worry if I was going to be good enough for them?

After those first few weeks together I started to realize I should be worried for me and Chad because those boys were a handful. We got bad notes from the teachers daily. The constant fighting with each other. The ongoing battle of homework and bath time. And what is it with boys and peeing? They just point and shoot everywhere but at the toilet? We would go to bed every night and hold each other close and be terrified about what the next day would bring. Thankfully my military training kicked in and I became the Drill Sargeant in the house. There were times they hated me because I always caught them when they were doing wrong or catch them in a lie. Chase yelled at me one day “How’d you do that?” I told him “I had mommie powers”. “You’re not my mommie” he’d rage. He loved to remind me of that daily. “When I married your dad, God gave me mommies powers because he knew I’d need them”. I’d say in a sarcastic snicker.

As with any kids of divorce, these boys were unhinged. I immediately became friends with their mother because I believed we would all be better parents if we worked together. It was always funny when Rhonda and I would go to school functions together. We were the 2 mommies and most of the time the teachers didn’t know how to act around us. I was determined to bring some stability into these boys lives. They were mine now too and I knew I was more stubborn then they were and I was going nowhere.

There are so many stories of laughter and tears with these boys and I wouldn’t give them up for anything. They’re mine. They gave me grey hairs and stretch marks by just raising them. I told them repeatedly “One day you’ll appreciate me, because you’ll have kids like yourselves and realize I didn’t have to stay…but I did”. They’re both grown and gone now and the house sure is quiet. I’m so proud of both of them and we’re close today. They now know they’re just as lucky as I am that we became a family

I believe now these boys and I were meant to be in each other’s lives. I will always have the void of not having a child of my own. It still hurts today but I do wonder what it would have been like having a kid just like me added to the mix because I just don’t know.